inevitable

Jul. 1st, 2011 09:33 am
callawrites: (Default)
so today I pulled out of the big bang. It's not solely because of the issues that I posted under the filter yesterday, though I'm sure on some level that plays into it.

Yesterday I was working on the story. I didn't really feel like it. I started on this scene and I was having all sorts of difficulty getting into it. Then I read over another scene that I wrote a couple weeks ago. I thought at the time it was ok, and wouldn't need that many revisions. In truth, it's a mess. I wasn't happy with it at all. I started thinking of all the things I wanted to add and what I would need to change, not just in that scene, but in the entirety of the piece. Then I look at the calendar and I see I have 3.5 weeks to do it. There's just not freaking way. Not with a full time job/kids and the like. So I pulled out.

I'm not as disappointed with myself as I thought I would be. I really think that maybe I just don't work so well under deadlines like that. My creative energy waxes and wanes with no rhyme or reason it seems. One day I could sit down and write 5000 words. The next I can't even force myself to do anything.

2 reasons I wanted to do the big bang was because I wanted a deadline to help me focus, and that didn't work out. The other was so that I would be forced to publically post my story, which is a paralyzing fear I have. I will still do the second bit. I'll still post the story here when it's done. I may start posting it as bits and pieces. This way I'll be accountable for something. And you guys can enjoy it. lol. or laugh at it. however you respond is ok. I'll sit back and try not to puke from the nerves.

I'm not sure when I'll start posting it. I want to feel like I have the majority of it ready before I begin to share it.
callawrites: (Default)
My favourite Lady Gaga song without a doubt is "Dance in the Dark". I looked up the "meaning" of the song (I always feel that whatever things mean depends on whatever the person listening to/reading it thinks of it) and it's apparently about a woman who has sex with the lights out because she feels she can't be herself if her lover can see her. I've always felt something similar from that song, though certainly not about sex.

I suppose I've always had unusual tastes. My favourite movies/music are not generally the norm. Even my tastes in men do not generally reflect the standards of usual attractiveness. (mmmm.. big mustaches and top hats). Over time I've learned to just keep my mouth shut when out and about with people I don't really know so well, because if i were to blurt out something like "Butcher Bill from Gangs of New York.. man he needs a bath but otherwise he is SOOOO HOOOOOTTTTT." Then I get stared at like I'm completely insane.

When I was in my early 20's I let someone I worked with read some writing I had done. It was poetry from my late teenage years, and then maybe some recent things. I'm not sure. I let him read it because he had majored in English and I wanted to hear what he thought. I felt sure it would be well received. It wasn't really. He didn't rip me to pieces. He had some very valid points about weak and repetitive spots in the work which I was not well equipped to handle. After that I didn't write for a long long time.

Since I started writing again I haven't let anyone read anything I've written, partially because of that experience of almost 15 or so years ago when I had my poor little ego bruised. I realize now I was just being silly. Criticism is just a part of the process of work. You learn from it. You improve from it. And if you are lucky someone might actually give you praise as well.

It's time for me to stop dancing in the dark. This week I want to post a page from my WIP that I wrote with my Livescribe pen mostly because the pen is just freaking cool, and because the transcription is pretty hilarious. This means that you will actually get to read something I wrote. It will be one page, and probably stuck right in the middle of a scene, but it will be something. And for me that will be a start.

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Calla writes...

July 2011

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