Calla writes...

I have a lot of projects going on at once right now. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing. I get tired of working on things easily and my mind scatters after long periods of focus. It's probably good that I have different projects to go to when I get my fill of one. On to the next!

My concern is that characterization will begin to overlap in my MCs. I have a hard enough time distinguishing my MC from myself. I don't want all their characteristics to meld together as I hop from story to story. Just another thing I have to be consious of and work hard to prevent.

I am thinking about this because I'm working on 3 things, one of which is very large. The rough draft for the Fantasy Big bang on LJ is due in about 2 months and I can barely figure out what direction I'm headed with that story. (that's B&B) I'm editing or trying to edit my 2010 Nanowrimo novel (SM), and then amongst all this my biggest idea comes crawling out of hibernation.

This Magnum Opus as I call it. It's an idea I had about a year and a half ago. I thought about it a little bit, then planned it last summer and started writing last August. Then I stopped. This is a big story that could potentially span something like 5 novel lenght works. The setting involves multiple galaxies/universes with a massive amount of potential for things to happen. I need to make sure I have things very well planned as far as the world building because I could end up with plot holes if I don't have everything figured out. oh how jealous I am of those authors who find themselves struck with a fully formed idea right from jump. I mean.. I have spent months and months just thinking, not writing a word, not really coming up with any good ideas, but finding all sorts of problems with previous ones. It's frustrating, but necessary to make sure this works out the way I want it to.

Fortunately, amid all the thinging and working on B&B, I have finally had some ideas about MO. Later this month I'm going to see 30 Seconds to Mars. At some point I realized that my MC for MO really likes that band. I find them a bit grandiose. I also find it amusing that a man, nearly 40 years old, is singing these anthems of youth and the kids eat it up. Like don't they realize that the generation of the person singing the songs is the same generation you think doesn't "get" you?

ANYWAY. I'm going to see them mostly because Penny (the MC in question) likes them. I've been listening to This is War lately to get myself excited for the show. Listening to this album gives me so many ideas for this story. It's really surprising to me. I am trying to work out how many books this story should span and then what is happening in each one of them before I go forward with filling in additional details. I'm great with figuring out the relationships between people but trying to figure out all the STUFF that's happening is harder for me to do.

Well that was a whole lot of lead up to end with me saying, I'm working on this other story because 30 seconds to mars gave me a ton of ideas... but it seems that's all I as getting at in the end.

Please forgive me if this seems kind of scattered. I worked on it in bits and pieces throughout the day.

It's midnight and I really should be in bed. In fact I was getting ready for bed when I decided I needed to come down and write an entry here.

I've been frustrated with the whole editing business. I loathe sitting down to fix my work. and surely it does need fixing. I am never really sure how to go about it. People try to give you advice on what to do and I don't know if I should listen. I'm not even really certain I WANT anyone's help on figuring out what is best for me. I am a control freak. I need to be the one who makes the decisions. Unsolicited help is unwelcome help in my mind, no matter how well intended. If I ask for help, ok. I'm still in control of who I ask, and whether or not I will use that info. Otherwise, I need to figure it out for myself.

So with editing. I look online for advice, and things aren't easily found. I don't know many writers personally that I would be willing to speak to on the matter. Looking at books about it is tedious; the effort of pouring over the contents just to glean the information that I would find useful is almost as overwhelming as pouring over my manuscript to find the bits that need fixing.

I know by now that I need to listen to the "voice" in my head. The problem is finding the right one to listen to. There's the "Voice of Doubt" in the back of my mind telling me to just put off the task until I'm sure of myself. It makes me loathe my work when I sit down to do what I intend to do. It makes me second guess. There's also the "Voice of Reason". It is often hard to hear over the Doubt. And it isn't as easy to recognize because it tells me things I wouldn't expect to find reasonable.

This voice will tell me occasionally when I truly need to put a task aside in favor of something else because it's really something I can't deal with at the moment. How do I know it's not the Doubting voice? A person who is driven wouldn't just give up on something because they are frustrated, would they?

The truth is I'm not like every other person. I can't say that I'm particularly driven. I'm not one of the people who pushes to succeed past obstacles. Why? Because I need to be happy. I need to feel happy about my life and what I do. If I cannot succeed under the weight of doubt and frustration. I would walk away from something and never touch it again if I found it was too burdensome to my mood, even if it was something that I believed could be worthwhile should I just push past the troublesome bit.

As I was thinking about what I needed to do to get myself motivated to edit I tried to think of what my next step would be. There are a couple things I would like to do. I want to get my story broken out into it's scenes and chapters in Scrivener. It's an easy task but I haven't done it yet because it seems like a waste of time. I can do that as I go along with the edit. BUT... I'm not editing because it's frustrating. And if I'm not editing out of frustration I'm not getting my book into scrivener and nothing is getting done at all instead of SOMETHING getting done. Now I realize, Reason said do it; Doubt said it would be a waste.

I've also waffled about whether I want to print a copy of the first draft. I've told myself I don't need it. At the same time I think it would be good to have something to flip through. I love my kindle, but when it comes to reference materials I prefer "analog" books. In a sense my manuscript is a reference material. Therefore I should print it.

But of all the things right now, One item stood out as being the thing that is really holding me back from editing SM right now. I don't know what time of year it is in my story. This plays a huge part in the story. It starts here in Philadelphia, then goes to Montana, then Alaska. These areas have vastly different climates. The story either needs to be set in the fall or the spring. Too far either way and it will be too cold in AK for things to happen. Too warm and hikers are getting into the region of AK I'm writing about and I don't want them there. I also need to find a feasible time that has a 3 day weekend for a college student.

This isn't the first time I thought about the When of my story. At the same time the Doubt was saying "why take all that time tonight to figure out what time of year the story is? Just go edit one scene... heck just write the one with the MC and her boyfriend that you need to write." Then I'd stare at the blank screen writing three words and deleting 2 of them because I thought trying to figure out when the story was at that second was a waste of time. It's not. because I can't seem to concentrate on any other aspect of the thing until I get that figured out.

I know these are the things I need to do because when I think of doing them there is a certain excitement that I didn't feel before. When I would think "just sit down and just edit 1 scene" I felt like I was walking into a wall. These are things I can do without feeling that wall. If I can listen to the Voice of Reason in stead of the Voice of Doubt I will at least be making some progress instead of none. Then those walls will turn into doors.

TO DO Weekend of 3/18-3/20
figure out at what time of year the story is set
print a copy of the story
break the scenes/chapters out in scrivener

Oh god. Editing. It's like rubbing salt on a wound. While I'm writing I've got no problem getting stuff down for the most part. But the process of going back over it is killer. At least it makes me want to kill something.... probably my computer.

I've been trying to focus on it, but it's hard. I even have scrivener beta on the computer and I've got things broken into pieces. I think, "let's just focus on this scene." and I get caught up in something else.

Tonight I sat down to work on last year's nano novel. I'll call it SM. then got caught up trying to figure out something about the setting of one of the later scenes. I was thinking about what time of year it was in the story, and the time of year has a big effect because they go to a couple different areas with very different climates. So I was looking all over southeastern Montana at towns and scenery and stuff to try and figure out if my Ranch is really where I had initially put it. It doesn't really look the way I thought it would. bah. I may have to find a different place.

So I spent an hour doing that... I'm not going to say it was time wasted, because when I have a better idea what I'm seeing the story will be better.

Monday I spoke to the ornithologist that I emailed last week for another WIP, the B&B story. The conversation was so insightful. At first I was so crazy nervous about contacting him. I felt like I was a high school kid writing a civics paper and I was calling the Vice President to ask how government works. But he was very nice and easy to talk to. He gave me some great info for the story. I learned that the main scenario that propels our MC into the big plot is not at all out of the realm of possibility (going on an expedition into the amazon in search of an almost mythological bird). In fact he goes when he can to Mexico in search of a bird he can't find. It was a relief to learn that. He also gave me some great info that will help me shape her career and the expedition, and even.. THE EVIL BAD GUY OMG. The big picture on that story is really coming into place after our conversation.

That is all for now. I've not been getting much sleep. I've been staying up super late for no good reason at all other than I start farting around online or watching tv. I should really get ready for bed NOW.