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Breakthrough
Mar. 19th, 2011 12:00 amIt's midnight and I really should be in bed. In fact I was getting ready for bed when I decided I needed to come down and write an entry here.
I've been frustrated with the whole editing business. I loathe sitting down to fix my work. and surely it does need fixing. I am never really sure how to go about it. People try to give you advice on what to do and I don't know if I should listen. I'm not even really certain I WANT anyone's help on figuring out what is best for me. I am a control freak. I need to be the one who makes the decisions. Unsolicited help is unwelcome help in my mind, no matter how well intended. If I ask for help, ok. I'm still in control of who I ask, and whether or not I will use that info. Otherwise, I need to figure it out for myself.
So with editing. I look online for advice, and things aren't easily found. I don't know many writers personally that I would be willing to speak to on the matter. Looking at books about it is tedious; the effort of pouring over the contents just to glean the information that I would find useful is almost as overwhelming as pouring over my manuscript to find the bits that need fixing.
I know by now that I need to listen to the "voice" in my head. The problem is finding the right one to listen to. There's the "Voice of Doubt" in the back of my mind telling me to just put off the task until I'm sure of myself. It makes me loathe my work when I sit down to do what I intend to do. It makes me second guess. There's also the "Voice of Reason". It is often hard to hear over the Doubt. And it isn't as easy to recognize because it tells me things I wouldn't expect to find reasonable.
This voice will tell me occasionally when I truly need to put a task aside in favor of something else because it's really something I can't deal with at the moment. How do I know it's not the Doubting voice? A person who is driven wouldn't just give up on something because they are frustrated, would they?
The truth is I'm not like every other person. I can't say that I'm particularly driven. I'm not one of the people who pushes to succeed past obstacles. Why? Because I need to be happy. I need to feel happy about my life and what I do. If I cannot succeed under the weight of doubt and frustration. I would walk away from something and never touch it again if I found it was too burdensome to my mood, even if it was something that I believed could be worthwhile should I just push past the troublesome bit.
As I was thinking about what I needed to do to get myself motivated to edit I tried to think of what my next step would be. There are a couple things I would like to do. I want to get my story broken out into it's scenes and chapters in Scrivener. It's an easy task but I haven't done it yet because it seems like a waste of time. I can do that as I go along with the edit. BUT... I'm not editing because it's frustrating. And if I'm not editing out of frustration I'm not getting my book into scrivener and nothing is getting done at all instead of SOMETHING getting done. Now I realize, Reason said do it; Doubt said it would be a waste.
I've also waffled about whether I want to print a copy of the first draft. I've told myself I don't need it. At the same time I think it would be good to have something to flip through. I love my kindle, but when it comes to reference materials I prefer "analog" books. In a sense my manuscript is a reference material. Therefore I should print it.
But of all the things right now, One item stood out as being the thing that is really holding me back from editing SM right now. I don't know what time of year it is in my story. This plays a huge part in the story. It starts here in Philadelphia, then goes to Montana, then Alaska. These areas have vastly different climates. The story either needs to be set in the fall or the spring. Too far either way and it will be too cold in AK for things to happen. Too warm and hikers are getting into the region of AK I'm writing about and I don't want them there. I also need to find a feasible time that has a 3 day weekend for a college student.
This isn't the first time I thought about the When of my story. At the same time the Doubt was saying "why take all that time tonight to figure out what time of year the story is? Just go edit one scene... heck just write the one with the MC and her boyfriend that you need to write." Then I'd stare at the blank screen writing three words and deleting 2 of them because I thought trying to figure out when the story was at that second was a waste of time. It's not. because I can't seem to concentrate on any other aspect of the thing until I get that figured out.
I know these are the things I need to do because when I think of doing them there is a certain excitement that I didn't feel before. When I would think "just sit down and just edit 1 scene" I felt like I was walking into a wall. These are things I can do without feeling that wall. If I can listen to the Voice of Reason in stead of the Voice of Doubt I will at least be making some progress instead of none. Then those walls will turn into doors.
TO DO Weekend of 3/18-3/20
figure out at what time of year the story is set
print a copy of the story
break the scenes/chapters out in scrivener
I've been frustrated with the whole editing business. I loathe sitting down to fix my work. and surely it does need fixing. I am never really sure how to go about it. People try to give you advice on what to do and I don't know if I should listen. I'm not even really certain I WANT anyone's help on figuring out what is best for me. I am a control freak. I need to be the one who makes the decisions. Unsolicited help is unwelcome help in my mind, no matter how well intended. If I ask for help, ok. I'm still in control of who I ask, and whether or not I will use that info. Otherwise, I need to figure it out for myself.
So with editing. I look online for advice, and things aren't easily found. I don't know many writers personally that I would be willing to speak to on the matter. Looking at books about it is tedious; the effort of pouring over the contents just to glean the information that I would find useful is almost as overwhelming as pouring over my manuscript to find the bits that need fixing.
I know by now that I need to listen to the "voice" in my head. The problem is finding the right one to listen to. There's the "Voice of Doubt" in the back of my mind telling me to just put off the task until I'm sure of myself. It makes me loathe my work when I sit down to do what I intend to do. It makes me second guess. There's also the "Voice of Reason". It is often hard to hear over the Doubt. And it isn't as easy to recognize because it tells me things I wouldn't expect to find reasonable.
This voice will tell me occasionally when I truly need to put a task aside in favor of something else because it's really something I can't deal with at the moment. How do I know it's not the Doubting voice? A person who is driven wouldn't just give up on something because they are frustrated, would they?
The truth is I'm not like every other person. I can't say that I'm particularly driven. I'm not one of the people who pushes to succeed past obstacles. Why? Because I need to be happy. I need to feel happy about my life and what I do. If I cannot succeed under the weight of doubt and frustration. I would walk away from something and never touch it again if I found it was too burdensome to my mood, even if it was something that I believed could be worthwhile should I just push past the troublesome bit.
As I was thinking about what I needed to do to get myself motivated to edit I tried to think of what my next step would be. There are a couple things I would like to do. I want to get my story broken out into it's scenes and chapters in Scrivener. It's an easy task but I haven't done it yet because it seems like a waste of time. I can do that as I go along with the edit. BUT... I'm not editing because it's frustrating. And if I'm not editing out of frustration I'm not getting my book into scrivener and nothing is getting done at all instead of SOMETHING getting done. Now I realize, Reason said do it; Doubt said it would be a waste.
I've also waffled about whether I want to print a copy of the first draft. I've told myself I don't need it. At the same time I think it would be good to have something to flip through. I love my kindle, but when it comes to reference materials I prefer "analog" books. In a sense my manuscript is a reference material. Therefore I should print it.
But of all the things right now, One item stood out as being the thing that is really holding me back from editing SM right now. I don't know what time of year it is in my story. This plays a huge part in the story. It starts here in Philadelphia, then goes to Montana, then Alaska. These areas have vastly different climates. The story either needs to be set in the fall or the spring. Too far either way and it will be too cold in AK for things to happen. Too warm and hikers are getting into the region of AK I'm writing about and I don't want them there. I also need to find a feasible time that has a 3 day weekend for a college student.
This isn't the first time I thought about the When of my story. At the same time the Doubt was saying "why take all that time tonight to figure out what time of year the story is? Just go edit one scene... heck just write the one with the MC and her boyfriend that you need to write." Then I'd stare at the blank screen writing three words and deleting 2 of them because I thought trying to figure out when the story was at that second was a waste of time. It's not. because I can't seem to concentrate on any other aspect of the thing until I get that figured out.
I know these are the things I need to do because when I think of doing them there is a certain excitement that I didn't feel before. When I would think "just sit down and just edit 1 scene" I felt like I was walking into a wall. These are things I can do without feeling that wall. If I can listen to the Voice of Reason in stead of the Voice of Doubt I will at least be making some progress instead of none. Then those walls will turn into doors.
TO DO Weekend of 3/18-3/20
figure out at what time of year the story is set
break the scenes/chapters out in scrivener
