inevitable

Jul. 1st, 2011 09:33 am
callawrites: (Default)
so today I pulled out of the big bang. It's not solely because of the issues that I posted under the filter yesterday, though I'm sure on some level that plays into it.

Yesterday I was working on the story. I didn't really feel like it. I started on this scene and I was having all sorts of difficulty getting into it. Then I read over another scene that I wrote a couple weeks ago. I thought at the time it was ok, and wouldn't need that many revisions. In truth, it's a mess. I wasn't happy with it at all. I started thinking of all the things I wanted to add and what I would need to change, not just in that scene, but in the entirety of the piece. Then I look at the calendar and I see I have 3.5 weeks to do it. There's just not freaking way. Not with a full time job/kids and the like. So I pulled out.

I'm not as disappointed with myself as I thought I would be. I really think that maybe I just don't work so well under deadlines like that. My creative energy waxes and wanes with no rhyme or reason it seems. One day I could sit down and write 5000 words. The next I can't even force myself to do anything.

2 reasons I wanted to do the big bang was because I wanted a deadline to help me focus, and that didn't work out. The other was so that I would be forced to publically post my story, which is a paralyzing fear I have. I will still do the second bit. I'll still post the story here when it's done. I may start posting it as bits and pieces. This way I'll be accountable for something. And you guys can enjoy it. lol. or laugh at it. however you respond is ok. I'll sit back and try not to puke from the nerves.

I'm not sure when I'll start posting it. I want to feel like I have the majority of it ready before I begin to share it.
callawrites: (Default)
Yesterday was the rough draft deadline for my fantasy big bang, and i submitted what I had. The draft should have been 80% done. Mine was more like 70% done. I had 10 out of 21 scenes left to complete which is kind of bad. Most of those had SOMETHING down but just weren't totally done. I'm hoping I can have this done by the end of the week. I told my beta reader I'd have it to them before the end of June. Yip!

I have been struggling with my writing lately. We talked last week in my writing class about how using "was" all the time is not good and blah blah blah. It makes sense and I see how it is better to use other words. Then I sit down to write and it's all "Bea was walking. the sky was blue." or whatever. oh dear god. I can't get my brain to think of a different way to word everything! What makes it even more frustrating was one of my previous scenes that I wrote a few months ago. While transcribing it from my notebook last night I noticed that it was written REALLY well. Like i won't even need to edit that because it's pretty much gold. There wasn't all this "was" crap. I could probably cut out a few adverbs. Otherwise it was just the way a story should sound. What the hell did I do that day that is so different than what's going on now? How did I manage to make that sound so wonderful, and the rest is pretty sad. oh god. the contrast would be noticable to anyone reading.

One of the reasons has got to be that I wasn't under the crunch at the time. With time to develop my thoughts and think about what was coming from the end of the pen I was able to create a better product. Oh fucking procrastinator me. See what you do to yourself when you wait until the last minute! *facepalm*

So anyway.. I'll be writing more today and hoping I can replicate that earlier moment of genius.

Tonight in class we'll be discussing setting and scenery, something I need LOADS of help with since my characters can't seem to see anything beyond the end of their noses.
callawrites: (Default)
Howdy. I'm still behind with my writing. I cancelled my ancestry.com membership the other day because a) i didn't want to get charged for it just yet. b) It was taking up all my time. I would literally sit down to investigate something and it would suddenly be an hour later. I didn't even notice the passing of time. It's something I will return to when I have a little more time to work on it. It would be nice to have a special present for the family this Christmas.

Rough drafts for the big bang were due yesterday but they made a post delaying that until next Monday. Thank goodness. I still don't have all the scenes written, or copied over from my notebook. In fact I should be doing that now while I'm on lunch, but I thought you guys were more important. ;)

Writing class is going good. The last 2 classes have been informative. They touched on issues I know I need help with, and I think I can easily apply the priciples we were taught. It's just a matter of getting myself back to the writing. I've been distracting myself by working on the computer. I'm always better when I have the computer off and I'm writing on my alphasmart. I should know better, really.

Now that I'm thinking of transcribing those scenes from my notebook it's all I can think about. Let me get to that. Hopefully the next time I write you, it is to inform you that I sent the rough draft to the mods and I'm now vomiting because someone is reading my crappy rough draft! whee!!
callawrites: (Default)
Well.. so much for posting every day with the 21 days of DW.  i'm over a week behind.  I won't bombard you with a load of answers.  I'll just pick up where I left off.


4. What do you do online when you're not on DW?
I think most of my time online is spent on Twitter.  second i go to LJ, and facebook, though I waiver between hating facebook and tolerating it just about every other day.  I like goodreads.  I also get caught up in Wikipedia.  I'll start reading about the history of Scotland and the next thing you know I'm looking at a list of all the Popes there ever were. 
and does Netflix count as online?  We usually stream through the playstation, so i'm not actually on the computer.  We use it a lot.


all the questions that aren't #4 )
Writing is going ok.  I'm not spending as much time doing it as I should.  I still feel confident that I'll be able to get the first draft of B&B done by the deadline.  I start my creative writing class next Tuesday.  I looked online and there are only 9 people registered.  not enough to have me blend into the wood work, and too many have me feel comfortable if we need to share something we wrote.  I'm such a wimp at trying new things....

well.. it is my lunch hour.. I should be writing at least a little bit.  :)
callawrites: (Default)
I have been MIA for nearly 2 weeks. But I have been busy. i have actually been doing a fair amount of writing, believe it or not. No editing, but writing so that's at least something. yay!

The fantasy big bang on LJ is due June 15th. That's when first drafts are due. The WIP for that is the B&B story. I really need to get cracking on that. I have scenes written here and there, but I'm missing a fair amount of in between. Still not sure exactly how this will end. I mean, it's based on a classic fairy tale, so yes, I know how it will ultimately end, but the end game... not sure. I'm real excited about the potential though, and pleased with how cool this story could potentially be.

WIP Penny has been kind of taking over all my day dreamy moments. Then again I've been listening to 30 seconds to Mars for 2 weeks. The concert is Saturday night. I have gone from having amused interest in this band to really liking them. Mercy me.

Before I can even finish the first book of WIP Penny I started writing some scenes from the second story. They came to me pretty vividly and I wanted to capture them while they were so clear.

Also, my parents were visiting yesterday, and while they were here I let my mom read some of the unedited first draft of WIP SM. (last year's Nanowrimo book). My mom reads a LOT, and is pretty transparent in her opinions. She read the first few scenes, but didn't want to get too into it because she couldn't keep the draft. She said she reads some stuff that's really trash and this isn't trash. That means she doesn't think it's particuarly awesome, but it's better than some things she's read. I will take that as a compliment. I know where the story needs work.

With this recent burst of creativity I'm thinking of taking a day off sometime soon where I can just sit and write. Send the kids to daycare, and slink off to the library or something. Find a quiet and distraction free place to focus. Then just spend that time slamming these stories. I can take them all with me so when I get tired of one I can move on to the other. I need a day off anyway.
callawrites: (Default)
I have a lot of projects going on at once right now. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing. I get tired of working on things easily and my mind scatters after long periods of focus. It's probably good that I have different projects to go to when I get my fill of one. On to the next!

My concern is that characterization will begin to overlap in my MCs. I have a hard enough time distinguishing my MC from myself. I don't want all their characteristics to meld together as I hop from story to story. Just another thing I have to be consious of and work hard to prevent.

I am thinking about this because I'm working on 3 things, one of which is very large. The rough draft for the Fantasy Big bang on LJ is due in about 2 months and I can barely figure out what direction I'm headed with that story. (that's B&B) I'm editing or trying to edit my 2010 Nanowrimo novel (SM), and then amongst all this my biggest idea comes crawling out of hibernation.

This Magnum Opus as I call it. It's an idea I had about a year and a half ago. I thought about it a little bit, then planned it last summer and started writing last August. Then I stopped. This is a big story that could potentially span something like 5 novel lenght works. The setting involves multiple galaxies/universes with a massive amount of potential for things to happen. I need to make sure I have things very well planned as far as the world building because I could end up with plot holes if I don't have everything figured out. oh how jealous I am of those authors who find themselves struck with a fully formed idea right from jump. I mean.. I have spent months and months just thinking, not writing a word, not really coming up with any good ideas, but finding all sorts of problems with previous ones. It's frustrating, but necessary to make sure this works out the way I want it to.

Fortunately, amid all the thinging and working on B&B, I have finally had some ideas about MO. Later this month I'm going to see 30 Seconds to Mars. At some point I realized that my MC for MO really likes that band. I find them a bit grandiose. I also find it amusing that a man, nearly 40 years old, is singing these anthems of youth and the kids eat it up. Like don't they realize that the generation of the person singing the songs is the same generation you think doesn't "get" you?

ANYWAY. I'm going to see them mostly because Penny (the MC in question) likes them. I've been listening to This is War lately to get myself excited for the show. Listening to this album gives me so many ideas for this story. It's really surprising to me. I am trying to work out how many books this story should span and then what is happening in each one of them before I go forward with filling in additional details. I'm great with figuring out the relationships between people but trying to figure out all the STUFF that's happening is harder for me to do.

Well that was a whole lot of lead up to end with me saying, I'm working on this other story because 30 seconds to mars gave me a ton of ideas... but it seems that's all I as getting at in the end.

Please forgive me if this seems kind of scattered. I worked on it in bits and pieces throughout the day.
callawrites: (Default)
Little by little I'm chipping away at my B&B WIP. Editing the SM WIP is not going so well, but I'm not going to worry about that. I feel more inspired for B&B. I've learned that I need to focus on what my mind says I need to focus on. Soon I will be inspired for SM and I can get back to that.

One of the things that is daunting about SM is that I want to get the editing right the first time. I'm sure this is relatively impossible. It's just that the thought of going over it 3 or 4 times feels worse to me than just going through it with a fine tooth comb once. Only I'm not a fine tooth comb kind of person. I should know better than to try to work against myself like that. I should realize that one piece at a time, reading it over and over, no matter how daunting it seems will get the job done faster than if I sit here dreading opening the file. I think I'm my own worst enemy sometimes.

I also need to take more time to relax and chill with my husband instead of diving into seclusion to write or do whatever.

I think this is all I have the brains to talk about right now. I've been stressed the past couple days over some other issues. I need to take some time to recenter.

On a very happy note, I tore my alphasmart completely apart, let it dry, put the keyboard back together and now it works! I was truly surprised. I thought it was surely dead and I would need to buy another. I'm so glad it's well! :D
callawrites: (Default)
Oh god. Editing. It's like rubbing salt on a wound. While I'm writing I've got no problem getting stuff down for the most part. But the process of going back over it is killer. At least it makes me want to kill something.... probably my computer.

I've been trying to focus on it, but it's hard. I even have scrivener beta on the computer and I've got things broken into pieces. I think, "let's just focus on this scene." and I get caught up in something else.

Tonight I sat down to work on last year's nano novel. I'll call it SM. then got caught up trying to figure out something about the setting of one of the later scenes. I was thinking about what time of year it was in the story, and the time of year has a big effect because they go to a couple different areas with very different climates. So I was looking all over southeastern Montana at towns and scenery and stuff to try and figure out if my Ranch is really where I had initially put it. It doesn't really look the way I thought it would. bah. I may have to find a different place.

So I spent an hour doing that... I'm not going to say it was time wasted, because when I have a better idea what I'm seeing the story will be better.

Monday I spoke to the ornithologist that I emailed last week for another WIP, the B&B story. The conversation was so insightful. At first I was so crazy nervous about contacting him. I felt like I was a high school kid writing a civics paper and I was calling the Vice President to ask how government works. But he was very nice and easy to talk to. He gave me some great info for the story. I learned that the main scenario that propels our MC into the big plot is not at all out of the realm of possibility (going on an expedition into the amazon in search of an almost mythological bird). In fact he goes when he can to Mexico in search of a bird he can't find. It was a relief to learn that. He also gave me some great info that will help me shape her career and the expedition, and even.. THE EVIL BAD GUY OMG. The big picture on that story is really coming into place after our conversation.

That is all for now. I've not been getting much sleep. I've been staying up super late for no good reason at all other than I start farting around online or watching tv. I should really get ready for bed NOW.

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Calla writes...

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